Speaking with total honesty, it’s been the only thing on my mind the past year of my life. In the past year, I have taken more risks and pushed past my comfort zone more times than I ever have in my life. I have invested heavily in myself and my development, started a new business, embraced my spiritual nature, and started to build a life that is so amazing that it scares the absolute shit out of me.
Isn’t that funny? Everything I’ve ever wanted, including a thriving business that helps women improve their confidence and stop settling, financial abundance and stability, and all around not stressing about survival, is nothing short of terrifying.
And why? Because this is completely uncharted territory.
Honestly, for most of my life, I have been scared of everything. And my favorite way to describe myself pre personal development junkie is this:
When the going got tough, Molly got going.
At the first sign of any struggle or challenge, my first instinct was to run. And that’s what I did. I left behind my childhood passion of horseback riding when confronted with conflict and stress of growing competition. It didn’t stop with horseback riding. I stopped exploring the woods behind my house after watching one too many scary movies. I stopped trying new things from the fear of not being good enough. I gave up anytime there was struggle, I shied away from any sort of conflict or stress, I didn’t even give myself a fighting chance to succeed at anything because I was never willing to risk a fight. I stopped living my life out of fear.
In the past year, from age 27 to almost 28, I have pushed past more fear than I ever have in my life. The more I push past that fear, the more fear rears its ugly head at me. But the more I push past my fear, the more I want to keep pushing. Right now, I feel as though I’m at a crossroads with my fear.
Unlike when I was a kid, I understand fear now. Part of my job as a mindset coach is to guide my women through understanding their fear, and show them that it isn’t really real. Fear is nothing more than your mind trying to keep you safe. Unfortunately for us human beings, our minds don’t understand the difference between real danger and “all in your mind” danger. It doesn’t matter the circumstance, anything that scares you rings all of the alarm bells in your mind. When those bells ring, your mind starts to create doom and gloom scenarios galore. All of the worrying, all of the panic, all of the ways possible for your mind to talk you out of doing the thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s the best thing you could ever do, your mind wants none of this risk.
So now that we all understand fear, it drives me absolutely nuts that my fear still affects me, even after all I know and all of the progress I’ve made. Where I’m at my crossroads is in my life path. I know that my life path and purpose is to help people, that’s never been a question. I love helping people, and I love watching women that I have helped embrace their dreams and grow into their true selves. There’s nothing like seeing yourself make a difference in other’s lives.
But something feels off about what I’m doing. And I can’t tell if it’s from the fear that my business is growing and that fear of success sneaking in, like something inside of me is telling me that my life will explode if I gain some sort of abundance, or if it’s because something isn’t right about what I’m doing.
I know for a fact that fear is the reason I stopped exploring and stopped living my life, and that’s why this blog is a thing.
I know for a fact that I want adventure and that there’s more out there for me.
I know for a fact that I love to help people.
I know for a fact that I feel like I have no clue what I’m meant to be doing.
I know for a fact that that fact above scares the shit out of me.
I know for a fact that in that fear and uncertainty is where I’m going to learn the most about myself and my purpose.
I know for a fact that my fear is here to help me.
I know for a fact that on the other side of my fear is everything I desire.
I’m ready to push past my fear and find what I’m looking for.