Down but Not Out

Y’all, I’m tired.

I’m tired of opening up Facebook or instagram and immediately feeling rage, anxiety, or sadness.

I’m tired of watching my husband come home from work looking like he’s spent twelve rounds in the ring, just so we can pay our bills.

I’m tired of seeing every one of my friends struggling with bills or medical expenses, even if they have a college degree and full time job.

I’m tired of the separation and division.

I’m tired of the hate and anger.

I’m tired of the lack of humanity.

Today was a particularly bad day. Yesterday, I got the notification on my iPad that Amy Barrett was confirmed to the Supreme Court, riding strong on the coattails of hypocrisy, and it angered me. This woman, someone who I am sure has endured some hardships in her life or career simply because she is a woman, is on the highest court of the land for the rest of her life, ready to strip women, LGBTQIA, and people of color of their rights. And why? Because God said so. Never mind the fact that the fricken Pope himself said that gay marriage was cool, it doesn’t matter. All for selfish gain, and not for the sake and good of the people, US politicians steamrolled this nomination through, a mere week before Election Day. These policies don’t affect any of the men that put this woman into power. If these policies don’t affect you, why push them so hard?

All for the fucking sake of remaining in power.

Laws impeding on women, LGBTQIA, and black people will do nothing but keep white men in power, and keep the status quo. 

But at what fucking cost? At what point do you look in the mirror and realize that as an elected official, you have just fucked over the people you were voted in to serve? At what point do you look in the mirror and realize that you aren’t a Christian, that you aren’t pro life, and that you aren’t for the good of the people, but that you’re a monster?

I’m tired of this.

I’m tired of watching this stake of separation being driven further and further into society through laws aimed at those who are already suffering.

I’m tired of watching the rich get richer while the struggling be called lazy, ungrateful, and burdens to society.

I’m tired of watching people be treated like animals, all because they are struggling.

I’m a firm believer in “be the change you wish to see in the world,” but I’m so tired.

I’m so tired of staying positive and optimistic, while watching the world continue to burn.

I’m so tired of giving love and support endlessly, while watching others withhold it for selfish gain.

I’m so tired of working on my own deep seeded traumas and beliefs for my own benefit while simultaneously not knowing if there will be a future for me to be improved in.

Even though I’m tired, I will never stop fighting. I will never stop improving myself, so I can do my best to help improve others. I will never stop clearing my energy, raising my vibration, and supporting others while they do the same. I will never stop fighting for this world, even if it seems like all hope is lost. And why?

My girl General Leia Organa says it best: “hope is like the sun. If you only believe in it when you can see it, you will never make it through the night.”

It’s always darkest before the dawn. It’s always right after the biggest breakdown that you reach your biggest breakthrough. The only time that you can ever truly lose hope is when you give up, and I refuse to. Even though I’m exhausted from the shear trauma of being alive in 2020, I will never give up on humanity. I will never allow myself to succumb to the separation that is being planted daily in our society. 

Though we all seem so separate, every single person on this planet is a human being, no different from one another. The most powerful men and women on this planet are people, just like me. The most restrictive and brutal laws that can be passed began as just thoughts in someone’s head, just like mine. The worst people in the world are still that: people. And that means that they aren’t special. They aren’t more powerful than you or me. They don’t have anything that we don’t, and their thoughts and ideas are not more important than ours. 

If these monsters have the ability to change the earth, who’s to say that I don’t? That you don’t? That WE don’t? I say we can, but the only way that happens is by continuing to fight. This fight doesn’t have to physical or political, but this fight can just be the never ending fight of rising above your societal conditioning that says you can’t. The fight can be the never ending fight of healing and improving yourself. The fight can be forever giving love, compassion, understanding, and respect, when all you want to do is punch someone in the face. The fight can be punching someone in the face, if necessary. The fight will always be about leaning into love rather than hate. It will always be about leaning into community rather than competition. It will always be about leaning into understanding rather than violence. It will always be about uniting rather than dividing.

United we stand, divided we fall.

I’m tired as hell, but I’m still standing.

Are you with me?

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