Progress

Over the weekend, some big shifts and realizations were made, y’all.

I went to the beach with my dude and my puppers on Saturday. I love taking my dogs to the beach, they just love the adventure and they so deserve a few hours of just fun, as a reward for sitting in the apartment the rest of the time. (I feel their pain there, ya know??) 

But, as fun as the beach is for the puppers, it tends to be very stressful for Craig and I when we take them. We love our dogs, and they are relatively well behaved, but any sense of training they’ve ever had goes straight out the window when they hit the beach. They pull, they jump, they whine, and they go absolutely nuts for other dogs. This is usually a pretty big problem because, hello, we’re at a dog beach.

This time, though, was different. There was some pulling and some barking and some whining, but they were pretty calm with the other dogs running around. My little beagle lady, Lilo, and I just sat in the shallow water near the shore, and watched Craig and the big boy, Bane, play in the water. 

As I was sitting there in the water, I wasn’t anxious or nervous. I wasn’t worried about other dogs running up and our dogs panicking. I wasn’t worried about my day to day life or any other struggles I’m having right now. I was just there. Sitting in the water, enjoying the hell out of the beautiful time I was spending with my father, and I was simply being.

The more I take myself out of my house and to other places, the easier I’m finding myself relaxing. The disconnect from stress and worry is becoming easier and easier, and the connection to the present moment is becoming easier too. As I sat down to meditate when we got back from the beach and cleaned up, I slipped right into a trance like state almost immediately, which is not normally the case. Usually, it’s a battle between myself and my mind, trying my hardest to calm my thoughts down, and my mind straight up saying no. I don’t always feel connected to myself or the universe right away in meditation, and sometimes I feel like I may be wasting my time. 

But not recently. 

Right now, I feel like I’m making progress. I feel like I’m understanding more and more what life is actually all about. I feel like I’m able to disconnect myself from the chaos of the world and connect to the world that’s inside me. 

And I think I understand what my one thing is: connection.

Unfortunately for me, just like with the brake light bulb replacement that ended up being so much harder than I thought, finding what my one thing is isn’t the end of the journey, it’s actually much harder than I thought.

When I say connection being my one thing, the rest of Curly’s saying “the meaning to life is one thing,” I mean that the meaning to my life is found in connection. 

In connecting down to the deepest depths of my being, I’ll find my one thing. 

In connecting to all beings from here to all corners of the earth, I’ll find my one thing.

In connecting to the wonders and wisdom of the universe and it’s mysticism, I’ll find my one thing.

So yes, I’ve made progress here. When I said out loud that my one thing was connection, and again when I just typed it out, I felt an energy course through my body. It was almost like the universe’s way of agreeing, and giving me the sensation that I’ve found the next step. It’s in these next steps that I’ll find what I’m ultimately looking for, in deepening my connection.

So that’s where my focus lies right now, in deepening all of my connections.

For myself, that means less TV and social media, and more awareness and exploring my depths. I get sucked into the world of Facebook and Instagram easily, and love to be entertained, which means the TV can be on for hours and hours. I know for a fact how detrimental multitasking can be for your awareness and overall stress and anxiety, but man if it isn’t easier that way. I allow myself to slip into habits where I do anything but listen to myself., which means TV in the background, scrolling through the social media on autopilot, and eating way too many treats.

In order to connect to myself, I must allow my inner voice and guidance space to be heard. Meditation and journaling are already in my routine, but I am recommitting to fully immersing myself in the experience of the two exercises, rather than just doing them to check off a box. 

I am also recommitting to reconnecting back to my physical body. I spent so many years of my life solely focusing on my physical body that, recently, it’s been the last thing I want to focus on. Unfortunately, I have been feeling the effects of too many months of “treat yo’self” coming back to haunt me. Reconnecting back to myself is not just mental and spiritual, but also physical. Nourishing my body with fruits and vegetables rather than treats, and moving my body out of love are two ways I am recommitting to my physical body.

For the world around me, that means looking into volunteering opportunities. It means less judgement and more acceptance. It means less complaining about circumstances around me, and more doing to actually fix them.

For the universe, it means focusing on the beauty in my life, rather than the worries and fears.

All fear does is disconnect you from the present. Fear swoops you out of the current moment and into the pain of the future that you have yet to experience. Fear scoops you from the present and transports you back to the pain of the present that you have already experienced. None of this matters. 

All that matters is right here and right now, and it is beautiful.

Weekly Ts&Rs

Weekly Ts&Rs

Last Saturday, I got to go adventure with my dude. Our first real date, almost three years ago, was kayaking. In the past three years, we’ve gone to the beach, we’ve taken the dogs, we’ve gone on road trips together, but we’re only gone back kayaking once. Until Saturday when we finally went back on the water together.

There’s nothing like floating on the water, just basking in the sun. You’re flowing with the current, the waves, and the tide, and you just feel like one with the water. I was relaxed, I was happy, I was at total and complete peace. To make it even better, I was at total peace with the love of my life. In those few hours on the water, I felt like I had almost figured it out. It was the closest to pure happiness that I think I’ve ever felt, it just felt right.

Along with kayaking on Saturday, I went to my other happy place on Wednesday: Disney! One of my absolute favorite things about living in FL, along with being so close to the water, is being just as close to Disney World. There’s something about Disney that just makes you feel like a kid again, and gives you that sense of carefree, full body happiness. I’m grateful for my annual pass, which allows me to visit the parks without straining the wallet, and my best friend for loving Disney just as much as I do.

We went to Hollywood Studios and spent the day sweating our butts off, but having a blast. The newest ride to open at Disney is a Star Wars based ride, with about 13 different hoops to jump through just to reserve a spot for it, but guess who made it happen? We did. The ride was nothing like I had ever experienced before, it was completely immersive and an actual experience, not just a ride. It allowed me to truly release any stress or worry I had been carrying with me, and I just enjoyed the hell out of it.

I’ve been noticing that the more I focus on my happiness, and what my higher self is calling me to do, the more I want to work. But I have no desire to be on social media. I have no desire to further my social media presence right now. What I’ve learned from my time at the beach and on the water, which is where I’ve felt the most at peace, is to flow, just like the water around me. Rather than swim against the current, and try to force myself to pursue something that I’m not energetically behind right now, I’m allowing the tide of my energy to take me to where I want to be.

Right now, the tide of my life has taken me to do exactly what I’m doing right now. I want to write, I want to sit in front of the computer for hours at the beginning of the day and watch the words flow. I want to spill the words that fly around my brain onto the page, and I want to use these words to inspire and change lives. With each day, I can feel that I’m getting closer and closer to my one thing. I won’t say I’m there yet, not at all, and I won’t say that I’m even close, but I feel myself getting closer to it.

Week One Ts&Rs

Week One Ts&Rs

Ts&Rs?? Thoughts and Reflections, babe!

I didn’t have a car, but ya girl found ways to get around!

This was a solid week for exploring Molly, much more so than the first few days at least. 

On Tuesday, the original plan was to take my man to work and then take the car to go explore. Unfortunately, with his wild schedule, there was no way to guarantee I could come snag him with my client calls, so I had to ixnay that idea. The plan then changed to Thursday being my day that I can steal the car, so I figured I was stuck in the house all day. Lo and behold, my best friend came through big time today. She was heading to the Zoo with the adorable little boy she babysits, and I was invited to tag along.

Even though I was still not really free, between being picked up and having to watch what I say around a small child, I felt much more free and abundant than I have in weeks. It was amazing to get out of the house. It was incredible to have the freedom to take a spontaneous trip to the zoo before my work starts. It was so great to see all of the animals (and get to interact with them! I fed stingrays, y’all!). It was so cute to watch this little boy, as shy as he was around me, enjoy seeing all of the animals that you don’t get to see every day. Everything about it was perfect.

On Wednesday, I ventured out to the beach. With the full moon in Pisces happening the night before, the beach just seemed like the place to be, and I was right. 

Indian Rocks beach is my all time favorite beach. It’s only about 15 minutes further than the best beach in America, Clearwater Beach, but it is way more my vibe. I like to think of it as the local best beach in America, and it did not let me down today.

With children being back in school, virtual or not, the beach was dead. I could count the number of people on the beach around us on one hand, and that’s really the way I like it. The beach is my calm place. I love hearing the sound of the waves, floating in the flow of the ocean, and the beauty of the shells that litter the beach, it’s all just a perfect flow. I was able to sit in the ocean for almost two hours, floating up and down with the waves, and feeling like I was connected with Mother Nature as I bobbed. It was fantastic.

My thoughts from this week are that I have so much to fucking learn.

In the past year I have done so much, grown through so much, and pushed so hard towards something that I don’t feel connected to anymore. I am realizing that there is so. Much. More out there for me, and I haven’t even scraped the surface. My purpose may still be the same, but the way I fulfill that purpose may be totally different from how I was expecting. As a recovering control freak (listen y’all, I’m trying), I am still in the process of coming to terms with the fact that I will never know the exact path that I will take in realizing my purpose. This awakening moment, and starting out on this journey to more, has more than shown that.

In the past two weeks, I have realized that the life I am dreaming of is completely different from the life I once thought I wanted. 

My word for September is allow. This journey has more than proven that to be true. I am open to allowing my path to unfold as it does. I am open to allowing the uncertainty of my path to show me the way. I am open to allowing myself to change and adapt as I continue to learn and grow. I allow my path to be shown in due time, and I trust that I’m exactly where I should be.

I’m excited for the adventures my life holds. I see how different just the intention to explore and live makes my life, and I can’t wait to continue to explore, learn, and grow. This was a solid first week, and we’re just getting started.